Not Really Sure How to Feel About It


Life is a complex tapestry of experiences and emotions. From joy and love to anger and sadness, our feelings often paint the canvas of our existence. However, there are moments when we find ourselves in a peculiar emotional space, where we’re “not really sure how to feel about it.” It’s a common sentiment that can leave us feeling confused, ambivalent, or even detached. In this article, we’ll explore the concept of being unsure about our emotions and offer guidance on navigating this intricate emotional landscape.

Understanding Ambivalence

Ambivalence, or being unsure about how to feel, is a common human experience. It occurs when we have conflicting or mixed emotions about a situation, decision, or experience. These mixed feelings can leave us feeling torn between different emotions, making it challenging to pinpoint our exact emotional state.

Reasons for Feeling Ambivalent

Complex Situations: Ambivalence often arises in complex situations where there are no easy answers. It can be a response to dilemmas, ethical questions, or difficult choices.

Personal Growth: As we grow and evolve, our perspectives and values may change. This evolution can lead to mixed feelings as we transition from one mindset to another.

Change and Uncertainty: Facing uncertainty or significant life changes can trigger ambivalence. We might simultaneously fear and welcome change.

Relationships: Ambivalence can be especially common in relationships. We might love someone deeply but also feel frustrated or angry with them at times.

Moral or Ethical Questions: When we encounter situations that challenge our moral or ethical beliefs, we can experience ambivalence. We may grapple with conflicting principles or values.

Navigating Ambivalence

Acknowledge Your Emotions: The first step in navigating ambivalence is to recognize and acknowledge your mixed feelings. Avoid dismissing or ignoring them. They are a valid part of your emotional landscape.

Explore Your Conflicting Emotions: Take time to delve into the emotions that are causing your ambivalence. Try to identify the specific feelings that are in conflict.

Seek Clarity: Gain a deeper understanding of the situation or decision causing your ambivalence. Sometimes, clearer information can help resolve mixed feelings.

Talk to Someone You Trust: Sharing your ambivalence with a trusted friend, family member, or therapist can provide a new perspective and emotional support.

List Pros and Cons: Create a list of the pros and cons associated with the situation or decision. This exercise can help you clarify your thoughts and feelings.

Accept the Ambivalence: It’s important to understand that being ambivalent is a normal part of the human experience. Accept that it’s okay to feel unsure sometimes.

Take Your Time: You don’t have to rush into a decision or force yourself to feel a certain way. Sometimes, it’s best to allow time for your emotions to settle.

Consider the Bigger Picture: Reflect on your long-term goals and values. Consider how the situation or decision aligns with your overarching principles.

Dealing with Mixed Emotions

Ambivalence is just one form of mixed emotions, but there are various ways we can experience a blend of feelings. Here are some other common scenarios:

Love and Resentment: You might deeply care about someone but occasionally feel resentment or frustration towards them. It’s essential to communicate your emotions and work on resolving conflicts constructively.

Happiness and Sadness: Life is full of bittersweet moments. Sometimes, joy and sadness can coexist, such as during significant life events like a graduation or wedding.

Excitement and Anxiety: Starting a new job, embarking on a journey, or taking on a new challenge can trigger both excitement and anxiety. This mix is normal and often an indication of personal growth.

Guilt and Relief: When we experience relief after a challenging situation or relationship ends, it’s not uncommon to also feel guilty for feeling relieved. Acknowledge both emotions and allow yourself to heal.

Hope and Fear: Hope for a better future can sometimes be accompanied by fear of the unknown. It’s important to recognize that hope and fear often go hand in hand.

Nostalgia and Regret: Nostalgia for the past can be tinged with regret for choices not taken or opportunities missed. Reflecting on these mixed emotions can lead to personal growth.

Compassion and Anger: We may feel compassion for someone who has wronged us or caused harm, while simultaneously experiencing anger. This duality can be challenging, but it’s important to set boundaries and seek resolution.

Embracing the Complexity of Emotions

Emotions are complex, and the human experience is rich with nuance. Being unsure about how to feel is a part of this complexity. Rather than trying to force yourself into a singular emotional state, embrace the diversity of your feelings. They provide valuable insights into your values, desires, and areas of growth.

Remember that ambivalence and mixed emotions are not signs of weakness or confusion. They reflect the multifaceted nature of human existence and the depth of our emotional lives. By acknowledging and navigating these feelings, you can gain a deeper understanding of yourself and cultivate resilience in the face of life’s complexities.